


These Are The Lies

by orphan_account



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Cheating, David the Douchebag, F/F, Femslash, Implied Jimmy/Kara, Implied Sexual Content, Kalex, Lies, Or Is It?, Pining, Songfic, Unrequited Love, only for a bit though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6588217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex denies her feelings for Kara for years upon years. She lies to herself over and over again, until she can't anymore. She thinks her love is unrequited...but is it? Based on the song "These Are The Lies" by The Cab.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alex's Lies

**Author's Note:**

> So I was listening the these are the lies by the cab when I suddenly realized that it could be a premise for a very angsty fic, and since I've been meaning to write some Kalex I thought to myself fuck it and wrote it. I feel like it sucks, but whatever. Anyway first chapter is about Alex, second will be Kara's, and the third will hopefully be a happy ending for them both...maybe. Comment and send me prompts, I need them! Also let me know about any errors, thanks!

Ever since Kara became Supergirl, Alex and her have been spending more time together. Their relationship had suffered when Alex had left for college, and especially when she joined the DEO. Their relationship has never stopped suffering, though, and at this point its nowhere near how it had been when they were young and foolish. The reason for all this stress on their relationship is because of the lies she tells herself.

Alex knows its fine though, that she can live without Kara. She knows she’s fine with just being friends and nothing more, not even best friends. She knows that she doesn’t think about Kara every night. She knows that she’s never cried about everything at night. She knows that sleep isn’t difficult just because she’s not with Kara. Knows that dying in the field without Kara is _fine._

But that’s the thing…these are the lies she tells herself at night and every damn day, and they’re the only reason she’s gotten this far.

Alex is on the phone with Kara during her second year of college when she realizes it. She’s not Kara’s best friend anymore, not her sister, she’s just her friend. It’s on the phone, talking about school and life, that Alex realizes that what she knows about Kara is what any friend would know about.

Kara tells her, “I’m really loving gardening club, Alex.”

And Alex has one thought, _She likes gardening?_ Suddenly the realization hits her, she doesn’t know _anything_ about this Kara. The Kara who goes to high school alone, who doesn’t have Alex with her. The Kara that is living her life, a life that Alex knows nothing about.

The elder Danvers tries her best, tells herself that its fine, she’ll be fine without Kara. She continues the conversation and chants to herself, _its fine, its fine, its fine._ She tells herself over and over again that being friends is fine, she call live with that.

These are the lies that she acts are truth.

And so she says goodbye, hangs up, and grabs a bottle of her favourite Whisky. She pours herself a healthy—not really—amount, and nods. She’s okay with them just being friends. It’s okay, its fine, she can live without Kara. She _can_.

Alex takes a huge gulp of the liquor in her hand and ignores the knowing voice in the back of her mind, _these are lies, all lies._ But…these are the lies that keep her from ruining her life someway, somehow. And so, Alex drinks until she can no longer think about Kara and their relationship.

It’s a week after the friends only realization that another revelation hits her. She’s been trying to ignore the sudden ache in her chest she’s been feeling since the phone conversation, ignoring everything about herself except for school. But after a week, a trend becomes apparent.

Every night she's gets to her room and changes and gets ready. Every night she lies in bed and tries to fall asleep. Every night she thinks about Kara. Whether it be about their first meeting, the first time Kara smiled, their first touches, first hug, first declarations of _sisterly_ love. It doesn’t matter what she thinks about, just that she _does._

Every night from then on is spent thinking about Kara, sometimes in ways that Alex chooses to ignore. _Has_ to ignore, if only for the good of not only herself but Kara. But the thoughts keep coming, her love for Kara, all their conversations, the times Kara has talked about Krypton, _everything._ Not a single moment between lying in bed and falling asleep is _not_ occupied with thoughts of Kara.

But she ignores it, all of it. Tells herself that she doesn’t really think about Kara, that she’d just worried for her. Tells herself that their just filler thoughts, not something she really consciously thinks about. Tells herself over and over again that she’s fine. She’s fine without Kara, she doesn’t _need_ Kara.

Every time she thinks about her foster sister, she tells herself, _its fine._ It is fine, and she _doesn’t_ think about Kara every night. Except she knows, in the back of her head, that she does. That these are just the lies that she tells herself. Lies that keep her from drowning in how _not fine_ she is. And from then on, Alex always needs liquor of some type before she falls into bed.

After a while, her life declines in its horribleness. She can’t seem to pay attention in class, her thoughts always drifting to places she denies to herself of ever thinking about. She takes twice the time to do her assignments even though she understands everything _perfectly._ And suddenly she stops sleeping.

Her school work runs into the night, her eyes always with bags underneath them. Her thoughts before bed turn dangerous, and then she can’t close her eyes. Images assault her when she sleeps, and suddenly it’s not an option.

Suddenly, she’s spending more time out. She’s drinking more, and never closing her eyes. Stops thoughts of her foster sister before they can get far, and never lets herself relax enough to fall into a deep enough slumber.

Alex tells everyone that its fine. Tells herself the same thing everyday, every night, every moment of her life. She tells people she’s moving on from whatever it is thats plaguing her. Chants to herself that it’s okay, _everything is fine._ Ignores the restlessness the always feels when she’s reminded of her other half not being there with her…of her other half just being a _friend._

She’s fine, she’s moving on, and she _is._ With drinks, and studying, and all nighters, and people…but she’s moving on and _she is fine._

There’s always that lingering thought, though, _these are all lies._ But she ignores it, as she always does when it comes to truth and feelings and _Kara._ The lies pile up, the lies are all she has.

Graduation is approaching and her drinking gets heavier. She can’t go a day without a drink, usually takes another shot when certain thoughts appear in her head. She talks to Kara over the phone and takes a shot. She goes outside and sees siblings and couples smiling and takes out her flask. She goes to bed, thoughts assaulting her, and all she does is take _another sip of her drink._

Every moment alone is a reunion with salty tears. Every night as her mind comes up with certain thoughts, she cries. Every time someone asks how Kara is doing, she goes to a bathroom and cries. Every time she sees two sister, a couple, _hears_ about any type of love between two people, she goes to her room and sobs. 

She knows she does it, knows that anything that reminds her even _slightly_ about a certain Kryptonian results in salty water dripping down her cheeks. Thoughts, things she hears, things she sees, if they resemble anything about a specific alien _at all_ , she sheds multiple tears.

And yet, she ignores it all. She _doesn’t_ cry about her. She has _never_ seen a single tear in her eyes about a specific someone. No matter what reaction she has, Alex goes on and on about how she’s fine. Tells herself that their tears of stress, tears of joy, tears of _anything_ but Kara. Every tear spilled ends with a promise to herself, that any water shed from her eyes are about herself and nobody else.

But, of course, these are just lies that she tells herself. Lies that she _always will_ tell herself. At this point, anything and everything she knows about herself is a _lie._ She knows it, she ignores it, she’s _fine._ These lies are what keep her going, nowadays.

One night she drinks too much, one night a few hours of partying go downhill. She drinks and drinks and drinks, and even though she has learned to hold her liquor _extremely_ well by now, she goes too far. After the conversation she recently had with Kara over the phone, Alex took it all a step in the wrong direction. And because of that, she got arrested.

Alex knows she should have called for a taxi or something, but instead she tried to drive in her own car while heavily intoxicated. She could’ve died if she actually got to driving, and the thought puts her heart though the wringer. She could have died without Kara, she would’ve been _gone._

Suddenly, a man is on the other side of the bars. Suddenly, Hank Henshaw is offering her a job, asking her to work for a secret government operation. She’s got a job offer, and if she takes it, she gets to protect Kara more then ever before. She takes it.

They tell her what she’ll be doing, tell her she could die at any moment in the field. She nods along, tells them and herself that its fine. Says she’s okay with dying for the cause. Tells herself that dying with Kara as her friend, as someone who isn’t ever _with_ her anymore, is completely and totally _fine._

Alex trains with the DEO, goes out and fights aliens, and almost dies multiple times a week. She tells herself every morning, every time she has a near-death experience, every night, that she’s fine dying without Kara by her side. Goes about her life knowing death could be just around the corner, and ignores the ache in her chest when she thinks she’s at her last moments. Ignores that dying alone, dying without _her,_ tears Alex apart.

She ignores all the pain from her thoughts, and tell herself, it’s going to be fine dying without Kara. Tells herself she’s fine with dying alone, that she doesn’t need the Kryptonian. Tells herself that she’s gone and has left Kara behind in terms of her feelings. It’s going to be fine, dying without her.

Lies, lies, and more lies. These are the lies that she tells herself, and these are the lies that keep Alex from staying behind at base while others risk their lives. She lies to herself too much now, but it’s the only reason she’s such a good agent. So Alex ignores everything and just _lies._

Kara became Supergirl, and suddenly their time together was increasing. Kara worked with the DEO and Alex would see her every single day. Ignoring her feelings got harder, especially with James Olsen on the scene. Her foster sister hadn’t even been a superhero for more then a month when Alex got the news.

Kara and James got together, and now she’s dating Superman’s best friend. And Alex tried to go on living her life, tried not to let it bother her. But she couldn’t, so she did the next best thing, distract herself from it.

Every time she saw Kara and James together, she’d go to a bar. Every time Kara talked about how much she enjoyed spending time with James, Alex got drunk. Every time Kara went on a date, she brought a girl home.

One night stands after one night stands, girl after girl, night after night. That’s how Alex lived, having sex with blonde haired women that she will never care about as much as a certain blonde. She tells herself that its fine, she’s okay. Alex has got a new girl herself, and these women are her world.

Alex tells herself that every girlfriend she has, even those that she’s only together with for a few days, are everything to her. That Kara isn't the one that occupies a certain space in her heart. She doesn’t need a certain Kryptonian, she’s got her own girls that she cares about.

Except these are all lies. These are the lies she tells herself at night, right after the regret of what she has done with someone she doesn’t even know laying beside her. She lies to herself, and she lies to Kara when the topic of significant others come up. These are the lies that keep her from making decisions that are even more regretful than her current ones.

A month after she begins sleeping around like nobodies business, a month after Kara and James get together, she realizes something. Kara and James…their touches are more frequent, more _intimate._ And with that realization comes another, they've _slept_ together. Before it could have just been a one-off kind of thing, Kara could have broken it off with James. Except now…the Kryptonian never goes that far in a relationship unless she’s serious about it.

Kara and James have finally sealed the deal, in Alex’s opinion, and it crushes her. The DEO agent tells herself repeatedly that she doesn’t care, doesn’t care if a certain someone isn’t sleeping alone. So Alex continues her life, but the women come more frequently and the drinking gets worse.

When Alex learns about J’onn and learns about his mind-reading abilities, the first thing she does is ask if he’s read her mind. He says no, but that doesn’t stop her from always making sure her thoughts are concealed.

She does so by ignoring it all. She _doesn’t_ care that Kara isn’t sleeping alone, its _fine._ _She’s_ fine. Alex tells herself she doesn’t care, and even if she doesn’t believe it, she acts as if she does. And so she goes through multiple woman a week, has sex until she can’t think of a blonde haired Kryptonian superhero anymore, and tells herself… _I don’t care._

The agent knows she’s lying to herself. She always had known that she’s been lying to herself. But nowadays, these lies are simply thought of as truth, because without them…without them she’d be even lower than she is right now.

Alex continues to tell herself that her life is really so good, that she’s honestly doing so good. She looks at Kara and James and goes, _life’s good, I’m good._ She looks at how happy Kara is and thinks, _life’s good, I’m good._ She looks at her decisions and choices and what her days are composed of and thinks, _life’s so good, I’m so good._

No matter what shit she does, no matter what shit happens, Alex’s only thoughts are, _life's good life’s good life’s good I’m good I’m good I’m good._ But she’s _not_ good, and Alex _knows_ this. Her life is in shambles, everything she does is the wrong thing to do. And even if she says she doesn’t want Kara beside her, she hates when she fails at protecting the superhero.

Everything is horrible. Her life, herself, everything around her, it’s all _horrible._ Alex is nearing her tipping point, and she’s _so not good._ None of this stops her from thinking the lies, though.

Her life is _good_ , she’s doing so _good._ And she tells herself these lies over and over again until they're imprinted in her mind, until these are the only thoughts she can think. But…they’re _lies._ She knows it, but without them, she’d be a goner.

The lies are piling up higher than Kara can probably fly, but it doesn’t stop Alex. When Kara is with James, she’s always got her phone beside her. When Kara cancels movie nights, Alex keeps her phone in hands reach. When her temporary lover is finally asleep, she stares longingly at her phone.

Alex knows why she does it, she’s always waiting for a call. A call from the only person in her life that matters. But, she never gets it, because Kara is out having fun with James. Kara is living her life, and the Kryptonian _doesn’t need her._

So, the agent denies her actions. Tells herself she’s only making sure Kara doesn’t have a sudden crisis. Tells herself she’s only being cautious in case a Supergirl emergency happens. Tells herself she’s waiting for a girlfriend or lover, anyone but _her._

Alex spends _hours_ by her cell phone, but in her mind she’s got various reasons for doing so. She knows though, all the reasons are lies. The one that isn’t—the truth—is never thought of. The DEO agents knows she’s been lying to herself for far too long, but these are the lies she tells herself at night. These are the lies that are keeping her alive.

One day, after everything has gone to shit, she has stops lying to herself. Its after she almost made a mistake that could've cost everyone’s lives, after J’onn staged an intervention of sorts. After Vasquez and even Lucy came to her and told her she needs to get a hold of herself. Its after Kara looks at her with such disappointment in her eyes before walking away.

A lot happens, but she finally stops. Alex knows that she can’t keep going on, lying to herself like this. So that night she sits on her couch, head in her hands, and stops lying to herself.

She’s _not_ okay with just being friends with Kara. She _does_ think about the Kryptonian every single night. She _can’t_ sleep without a certain blonde beside her, can’t move on. Alex knows that she cries about her, always has and probably always will. It’s not fine, dying without Kara. All the women she brings to her bed, they mean nothing. She cares about the fact that a certain someone isn’t sleeping alone, anymore. Alex knows her life isn’t good, she’s not good. She spends hours at the phone, just waiting for a call from the person she’s in love with.

That’s another realization, one that comes after Alex stops lying to herself… _she’s in love with Kara._ She’s been ignoring the voice inside her head that’s been hinting at it, but now she can’t deny her feelings anymore.

Alex is in love with her foster sister, her foster _sister._ The same person who is happy with her own man and doesn’t need Alex. The DEO agent may have stopped lying to herself, but that doesn’t change anything. Kara is still dating the love of her life—someone who’s _not_ her—and Alex has nothing.

Well, she has the knowledge that these are lies that she’s been telling herself, not the truth. Yes, because the truth is, she’s about to lose it. She can’t _do this_ if she’s not _with Kara._

Alex has no one, she doesn’t even have her precious lies anymore, and she doesn’t know what to do. All she knows is that she _can’t_ do _any of this_ without _Kara,_ and all she can think is, _these are the lies that were keeping me alive._

And without them…how’s she going to live? It’s not like she has Kara, she _never did_ and she _never will._

So Alex carries on life as if she was still lying to herself…but she knows the truth now _and the truth hurts._


	2. Kara's Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara's internal love struggle. It's time to peek inside of Kara's head and see what feelings lie in there. Are Alex's feelings requited or unrequited?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what I'm doing. Anyway, this was difficult to write because I feel as though Kara isn't one to constantly lie to herself and so any mirroring between the two was hard to write. But whatever, I hope its good enough. So, comment some prompts or send them to my [Tumblr](http://marveldc31.tumblr.com/). I want to write some more Kalex, happier ones but I'm good with angst too, so send me anything! Let me know of any errors, thanks!

Kara’s always known the truth, she’s always known that she has been lying to herself. She ignores it, but she _knows_. Her love for Alex is on a level that is definitely _not_ sisters. It doesn’t matter though, because when she recognizes what her feelings really mean, Alex had already left for college.

By the time Kara felt ready to _maybe_ do something about her feelings, she’d already drifted apart from Alex so much. It wasn’t just the distance, Alex seemed to never really pay much attention to her. It didn’t take long for their relationship to decline to _just friends._

When the realization came, Kara felt lost. She _loved_ Alex, Alex who didn’t even know Kara liked to garden. She could tell over the phone, Alex was too surprised by the revelation. Kara was only friends with the one person she was in love with.

She told herself she could move on, find a way to live without Alex. Find a way to be her friend and nothing more. Kara tried—Rao, did she try—but she wasn’t the type to ignore her emotions. Repress, maybe, but she was always acutely aware of her feelings.

And so, when she thought about how she always thought of Alex just before sleeping every night, Kara realized how hard not having Alex in her life like before was going to be. She _loved_ Alex, but did Alex love her?

Well, Kara knows Alex loves her—as a sister—but that’s not all she wants. She wants _more._ Kara wants _all_ of Alex. She can’t though, she knows that. Kara also knows she can barely get through high school without Alex, but all of life? At this point in time, the thought was impossible.

The thought of not having Alex got even more unbearable as time went on. Suddenly, Kara couldn’t sleep at all. Thoughts of Alex, how her hair looked, how smooth her skin is, how beautiful she always looks, her lips, her body, _her._ Kara couldn’t _sleep_ with these thoughts. Thinking of Alex off in her own dorm sleeping—peacefully, most likely—without her…it _crushed_ Kara. The Kryptonian wants to move on, but she can’t, because Alex is… _Alex._ And Kara loves her. She’ll try her best to repress the thoughts—not act upon them—but she knows they’re there. She knows they always will be, one way or another.

In her third year of college, Kara finally breaks. She still talks to Alex, they still tell each other _I love you_ , but it’s still _not enough._ And so in the middle of studying, while thinking of what Alex must be happily doing without her right then, she breaks.

She cries and cries and cries until she can’t cry anymore. Even then, she continues to sob. Even when there are no more tears left because Alex thinks of her as nothing more than _sister_ and she’s _in love with her sister._ Her treacherous mind will forever reply to that thought with one word, _foster._

Doesn’t matter though, does it? Her feelings are obviously one-sided, and so Kara just keeps on crying. Kara was never quite able to build the dam that broke that night back up. So, she just continues crying herself to sleep—whenever see comes—for the rest of college. 

She doesn’t know another way to deal with everything, she’s always dealt with her problems as to not inconvenience others. And with who she is, anything else can’t happen. She can’t even get _drunk,_ and so she cries. She cries, because _what else is there to do?_

That’s how life goes—from then to post-Supergirl—she thinks of Alex, doesn’t sleep, and cries. It’s how she gets through the days, without Alex. Knowing she _will never_ have Alex.

Then Alex is going to die on a crashing plane, and Kara _flies_ because the love of her life is going to _die._ So she soars, and so she becomes Supergirl. That’s when things with her feelings just get _worse._

First, she’s become Supergirl. Now, she could die at any moment. One minute she could be texting Alex and the next she could be carrying a bomb into space. She can die at _any moment_ , and the thought _frightens_ her. 

Kara doesn’t _want_ it to frighten her, because it’s not the _dying_ part that scares her. No, it’s the dying _without Alex_ part that threatens to consume her with panic. Before, Kara always could have the little spark of hope in the back of her mind. The hope that one day things will be fine and she can be with Alex.

Now she _doesn’t_ , because she could die _next week,_ she could die _tomorrow,_ she could die _right now._ And she’ll die without knowing how it feels to touch, kiss, _be with_ the love of her life. That’s not something Kara wants, and so she tries to move on once more. She wants to be _gone_ , leave her feelings for Alex _behind._

She starts dating James, and the small crush is magnified in her mind. Kara knows that what she’s got with James isn’t permanent. She loves him, but that’s just the thing. She _loves_ him, but she’s _in love_ with Alex.

At this point though, Kara doesn’t care. So she keeps dating James, tried to forget about Alex’s face, Alex’s voice, Alex’s eyes, _Alex._ She tries, but it never really works. She knows she’s in love with Alex, and that’s not the best way to enter a relationship; loving someone else more than the boyfriend.

Kara doesn’t stop through. She goes on more and more dates. She tells herself she can settle down with James _eventually._ Anything to get the thought of not having the real love of her life beside her.

At one point, Kara actually tells people that James is her whole world. This is the first time she’s openly lied to anyone and begged Rao to be believed in. She says James is her whole world, but in her mind, she substitutes the name for the name of another. In her mind and in her reality, Alex is her whole world, and she always will be, no matter what.

That doesn’t stop Kara from trying to change the fact, though. As much as she loves Alex, she can’t live without the love of her life as her own. So, she tries to gain a new love…James. More then she has before, because she’s the one who initiates it. She’s the reason they slept together.

And Kara feels so _dirty,_ because a quarter of the way in, she imagined it was Alex. Imagines it was Alex’s hands roaming her body, imagined it was Alex inside of her, Alex kissing her and _loving_ her in such an intimate way.

She almost called out the wrong name numerous times.

When all is said and done, Kara’s eyes are opened to a whole new thing. It’s after she spent the night at James’ place that Kara realizes Alex has been seeing people. And even though she’s got her own man—sort of, he’ll never be hers in the way Alex is—it strikes her through the heart.

It shouldn’t matter, it _doesn’t_ matter that Alex is seeing women,—women that Kara will forever be jealous of—because _it’s not going to happen._ She knows it, but Kara has always been a dreamer. Always hoped for the best. Now though, the best was finding someone who makes her half as happy as Alex. 

Seems as though the DEO agent’s already a step ahead of her in that case.

Kara wishes she had a chance with Alex, but Alex doesn’t want her that way. And why would she? Kara knows that the people around her always end up unhappy and dead. Just look at Krypton.

That’s probably when she throws herself into making her new relationship work. They move in together, they keep sleeping together—in both senses of the word—and Kara tells herself that her life is good. She’s doing good.

She’s always been one to wear her heart on her sleeve, she’s never been one to ignore her feelings. Maybe she’ll repress them—to make sure she doesn’t do something stupid—but she’s always been upfront to herself about her feelings. Until now, of course.

Now, she finally lies to herself. Every time she wakes up and smiles fakery into the mirror and tells herself _my life is good,_ she’s lying. Every moment she tells people, _our relationship is good_ , she’s lying. Every day she sees Alex just before going on a date with James and says, _everything is good,_ she is _lying_ so _hard._

Kara’s never been good at ignoring her feelings, so it’s no surprise that every night spent with James ends with her staring at her phone. The first few times it happens, she thinks its just the exhaustion wearing her out. The next couple of times, Kara hopes its just because she’s worried a Supergirl emergency might pop up.

When the staring becomes chronic, when she always has her phone by her side in bed, Kara knows what’s happening. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out she’s waiting for a call. Of course, she denies to herself that she’s hoping for a call from Alex.

No, she tells herself she’s hoping for a Supergirl emergency when bored. Or a call from Eliza when she’s stressed. Or a call from _Cat Grant_ when she needs a challenge. Anyone but Alex, because that means she’s not really over her.

Kara sucks at lying though. Whether it be to others or herself, her lies never stand fore long. When it comes to herself, her lies are only believed through sheer determinedness. Even then, they’re not believed for too long.

After a few weeks of always being by her phone, Kara caves. She admits to herself that she’s waiting for a call from Alex. She admits to herself that she’s got no chance of having a life and settling down with James. She’s in love with Alex and nothing will change that.

Of course, she still doesn’t break up with James, because she _could_ grow to love James even more. She may not exactly _settle down,_ but she can still date James. Still _try_ to be in a happy relationship, even if the one that’ll truly make her happy is impossible.

Kara’s never going to be with Alex, and she’s resigned to the fact. The love of her life doesn’t love her back the same way. As teenagers, there was always hope, but after Alex left for college? It was obvious anything she saw was fabricated. To Alex they’re sisters, nothing more, nothing less, and certainly not _enough_ for Kara. 

So Kara tries to love James enough, tries to get the one relationship that can actually happen _work._ She does all she can, but _it’s not enough. Nothing_ is enough anymore, because one day James’ eyes start to wander.

One day, their relationship simply _falls apart._

One day, James goes out grocery shopping and comes back with a new look in his eyes. A look that has never appeared when talking about her, only when talking about this mysterious grocery store girl.

Kara thinks that maybe she should feel angered with James looking at other women. She thinks she should feel jealous, or at the very least _unhappy._ But she _doesn’t care_ , because as much as she loves James, it’s not the kind of love two people get married over.

No, there’s only one person she feels that kind of love with. The one person, of course, is also unattainable, and so Kara gives up on love. Her relationship with James continues for a bit longer, and in the time she witnesses a few changes to Alex’s demeanour.

Alex is suddenly looking… _accepting._ As if she’s finally learned some news that is breaking. Kara has no idea what to feel about it, but it soon doesn’t matter because one day James has something to say.

After James and the grocery girl went out for some _friendly_ drinks—which has been happening often—he spills. The photographer sits down Kara and tells her…he’s cheated on her. He continues on about how he loves Kara, but it doesn’t feel right for him. That he’s not _in love_ with Kara. He goes on and on and does his best to let her down gently.

All Kara feels is relief and resignation. Relief at finally ending their relationship, one that was doomed from the start, and resignation at her love life. She’s never going to know what it feels like to have the love of her life laying in her arms. That only happens when the love of your life is also thinks of you the same way.

So Kara simply tells James she feels the same, that she’s not in live with him either. Of course, he seems shocked, asking why she never needed their relationship earlier. Kara only tells him she had hoped for some normality. Not a complete lie, but not the full truth either.

The two go their separate ways and separate paths. Kara is saddened to realize that only one path ends with love…and it’s not hers. She’s Supergirl, and its like Winn said, superheroes don’t get the guy…or in this case, the _girl._ And that’s who Alex is, _the_ girl. The only one for her, the only one she won’t ever have.

After the break up, Kara goes downhill a bit. She slips up too much with Cat, almost fails at saving the world with the DEO, and she feels like she’s going insane. Doesn’t take long to figure out what’s wrong.

The truth is, she’s losing it. She’s never going to be happy, and the one person who could make her happy is with someone else. The truth is, she can’t do anything without Alex. Can’t be a good assistant, can’t be a good superhero, can’t be _good._

The truth is, she can’t do this if she’s not with Alex…and the thought is making her lose it. The thought is suffocating. The thought is heart-wrenching. The thought is the _truth._

Kara’s learned one lesson the most in all of her time on Earth, _the truth hurts._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this sucked, but whatever :)


	3. Their Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone comes to National City and feelings are finally laid out in the open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is done! Although, I feel like the ending was totally sucky, but whatever. Anyway comment, I need prompts! Also, let me know of any errors, thanks!

It’s on a Thursday that shit starts to boil. On this day, someone comes to National City. It is on this day that the years of lying and ignoring and repression of certain feelings will finally come to light. Today, Alex and Kara are going to come to terms with their feelings, once and for all.

Of course, all of this starts of with a man. Not even a dangerous alien man, just a regular human. A human who is also Kara’s ex-boyfriend from high school. He’s back, and looking to get back together again with Kara.

Alex wants him gone.

For many legitimate reasons, she tells herself. It’s not because he’s an ex and she’s jealous, and it’s not because him going after Kara is exactly what she’s too cowardly to do. No, it’s because he truly is a fucking _douchebag._ Alex doesn’t know what Kara ever saw in him.

His douchebaggery starts the moment her arrives, when he intercepts the two of them while they’re on their way to Noonan’s. Kara and Alex are laughing and talking when he _oh so subtly_ bumps into them.

“I’m so—hey, Kara? Kara!” as if the douche could be any more obvious.

Kara chokes and spits out, “David? Oh my Ra—God, it’s actually you.”

“Yeah,” he smirks, “what a coincidence.”

Alex is willing to bet there is absolutely no coincidence happening here. His smirk does little to ease her mind.

“Yeah,” Kara glances at Alex, “its nice to see you.”

“Of course it is,” he folds his arms with a cocky smirk, “I’m me.”

Alex wouldn’t touch an ego like that if it was the only way to live. How Kara ended up dating the guy for longer then two months is beyond her understanding.

“David,” Alex growls, “what are you doing here?”

He rolls his eyes and looks at her as if he was just noticing her, “Like I said, coincidence. But since I’m here, why don’t we go get some coffee together?”

Alex is just about to turn him down in a way that will definitely hurt his feelings when Kara replies, “Sure. We’re just going to Noonan’s, want to come?”

Alex glares at Kara, the stupid, overly nice, beautiful, perfect, heart of gold, sexy—woah, okay hold your horses, Alex— _good_ person that she is. Of course she couldn’t turn him down, she can never intentionally hurt anyone’s feelings.

Unintentionally maybe, what with not returning Alex’s feelings, but that's not something the human holds against her.

“Yeah,” the douche smirks _again_ , “lead the way!”

They’re only minutes away from Noonan’s when the douche puts his arm around Kara’s shoulders. Alex wants to punch him in the teeth. Kara glances at Alex out of the corner of her eyes—something that Alex doesn’t notice—and leaves the arm where it is. Alex barely stops herself from stabbing the guy when she sees Kara’s fine with it.

Once at Noonan’s, Alex steps in first, which lets Douchebag David stare at her ass for ten-seconds straight. This time, it’s Kara that feels a shot of— _not_ jealousy… _really_ —discomfort shoot through her.

The three of them make their way over to a table, David the Douche’s arm still slung over Kara’s shoulders, and sit down. Douchebag David lets go of Kara’s shoulders, but the relief is short lived when he grips her hand. Alex is _this_ close to punching him and breaking his nose.

“Kara,” he starts with an obviously fake expression of sincerity, “I want to talk to you about, maybe, getting back together.”

Kara looks at Alex in distress, but all Alex does is shrugs. What is she supposed to do in this situation? Kara has to tell him off herself or he’ll just keep coming.

“Ah,” Kara mumbles, “we can talk sure.”

Alex rolls her eyes, she should’ve just said _it’s not happening._ No, though, she’s got to be nice and actually _listen._

“Privately,” douchebag stares Alex down.

She’s never rolled her eyes this hard in such a short amount of time before. New record…cool. Alex turns and walks to the cashier, maybe buying their drinks will give Kara enough time to say no.

What Alex doesn’t notice—but Kara certainly does—is that David of Douchebaggerton spent her whole walk away watching the sway of her hips and staring at her ass. Kara is angry…she’s not going to deny it.

“What do you want to talk about?” Kara demands.

He smirks as if he’s got a chance, “Just wanted to say, you’re beautiful, and I’d like to try us out again. I finally realized what I lost.”

Kara stares at him like _he’s_ the alien. _Finally realized what I lost_ …right, because she’s supposed to believe that. It’s been how many years? He only decides he lost something great when she gets a promotion at CatCo that was on several paper? That’s supposed to be a believable story? _Really?_

_Why did I ever date him?_ Kara thinks. The answer of course, is still to be determined. Could’ve been to get over Alex…maybe…

“Really, David? I’m sorry but I don’t believe that for a second. I don’t think there ever was an us, never could be, either.”

“Oh, come on,” he laughs, “just try it out? Maybe even just a night together?”

Disgusting, that is Kara’s only thought. Honestly, what did she ever see in him?

“No, David,” Kara speaks firmly, after glancing over his shoulder to Alex.

David glances over his shoulder, scoffing once he figures out who she was looking at.

“Of course,” he shakes his head and looks at her like she’s Adolf Hitler, “you’re in love with your sister…your _sister_.”

Kara hangs her head, of course he knows. Everyone but Alex knows, which she guesses is a good thing in terms of unreciprocated feelings.

“And the funny thing is,” he leans forward mockingly, “there’s no way she loves you back the same way.”

Douchebag David sits back, satisfied at the look of total devastation on Kara’s face. She _knows_ she has no chance with Alex, but the words didn’t exactly help with anything. Eyes glittering, she looks up at Alex who is preoccupied with something on her phone while waiting for their drinks. Like David said, no way.

Glancing at Alex once again, David’s smirk turns evil, and he stands up. His eyes twinkle with a dark desire to hurt Kara for turning him down, and suddenly the alien is terrified of what he might do. Especially since he starts walking towards Alex.

Kara wants to get up and do something, but in public with Alex who can handle herself, it would do more harm than good. And so she sits in her seat and simply uses her super-hearing to listen in on their conversation.

“Hey, hot stuff,” Douchebag David smirks at Alex, who—frankly—is completely disgusted at having him even breathe the same air.

“Hey, douchebag,” Alex smirks right back, a daring glint in her eyes.

“So, you, me, a movie, tomorrow night,” he folds his arms, “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

He’s about to turn around and smirk at Kara when Alex replies, “No, now go fuck yourself.”

Angered, David of Douche-R-Us spins around, “Excuse me?”

Alex smirks mockingly, “You heard me, now leave.”

Taking a deep breath, he gets into Alex’s space and mutters into her ear, “I’d rather fuck you.”

That’s the last straw for Kara, as she finds herself jumping out of her seat at a speed that can barely be considered human. He can stare at Alex, Kara can live with that. He can speak about Kara’s love towards Alex, she can continue on from that. Flirting with Alex in such a crude way, making Alex uncomfortable? That…that she can’t live with.

So, before long, Kara is on her feet and running towards the two. She has no idea what she's going to do, just knows that she wants to show David up. Just knows she wants to save Alex from having to continue on in a sightly polite way, given their surroundings. Kara only wants to help.

Stepping in between the two, Kara grabs the collar of Alex’s leather jacket, and kisses her roughly on Alex’s soft lips.

After a few brief moments of shock, Alex does the one thing Kara never thought she would’ve. She kisses back. Gasps are ignored as the two of them hug each other tighter, deepening the kiss.

It’s David’s sixth _what the fuck_ that has them pulling apart. Although they are both good at holding their breaths, they could’ve lasted at least twenty-five more seconds.

Once she pulls away, Kara mumbles, “Oh shit.”

It says a lot about the situation that she swore, since Kara never ever swears; least of all in public. Alex is thinking along the same lines, although her thoughts have an alarmingly higher amount of swear words.

The two stand in utter silence for a few seconds, the whole restaurant had gone quiet seconds after they started kissing.

“Well,” David mutters, “guess I was wrong.”

Douchebag David then promptly turns and stalks out of the restaurant. The two women glance at his departure before looking at each other once again. They both let out a single word each, _shit_ for Kara and _fuck_ for Alex.

Stepping out of Alex’s arms, Kara backs away, steadily gaining speed on her way towards the door, “Oh my Rao, Alex, I’m so sorry. I-I don’t know what I was thinking…Oh Rao, Alex, I’m sorry!”

Kara is out the door before Alex can get a word in edgewise. The elder of the two sighs and glances around at the shocked faces. This only leads to her sighing even more. At least Kara feels the same way…hopefully. Alex doesn't want to get her hopes up it could’ve just been a fluke. A “it sounded like a good idea in the moment but now I realize it wasn’t” kind of thing. With her luck, that’s most likely the truth.

Shaking her head, Alex makes her way out the door and starts her lonely trek to Kara’s apartment. She’s 90% sure that’s where Kara probably retreated to. In twenty minutes, Alex is in front of the Kryptonians apartments and knocking on the door.

She waits a few moments before sighing, “I know you’re in there, Kara. I can hear you with normal ears. Let me in.”

When a few more moments of silence go by, Alex resorts to her last line of defence, “ _Please,_ Kara. Just let me in… _please._ ”

This time Kara ends up opening the door, barely wide enough for Alex to slip inside. The door shuts behind her and the human shakes her head, sighing. Kara’s eyes are rimmed with red, tear tracks visible on her rosy cheeks. It makes Alex’s heart clench.

The older one nods towards the couch and Kara makes her way over, Alex following. They both sit down, neither talking for minutes. The silence grows in it’s awkwardness, but neither say a word for many more minutes. Each waiting for the other to start.

Finally, Alex speaks, “Why’d you do it, Kara? Be honest…please.”

Kara hangs her head, shoulders shaking, “Honestly? I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. I guess…watching David flirt with you like that finally tipped me over the edge. Rao, Alex, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have put you in a position where the best thing to do was kiss back. I’m sorry.”

Tears have slipped through her eyes and down her cheeks, and Alex shakes her head, “Don’t be sorry, Kara, please.”

“Rao, Alex,” Kara sobs, “I messes everything up, didn’t I?”

Alex shakes her head again, “No, Kara, you didn’t.”

Alex is fairly certain her feelings aren’t one way, now, but still has a hard time getting the words out, “Kara…I—I…”

“Alex,” Kara looks up into Alex’s eyes, “face it. I’ve messed everything up just because I’m in love with you.”

Alex’s eyes bulge and Kara takes moment to realize what she said. When she does though, she bury’s her head in her hands and sobs even harder.

“Rao, Alex, please, I’m so sorry,” she shakes, “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“Do you,” Alex swallows hard, “do you not mean it?”

“No, I-I mean it,” Kara sighs, “I just didn’t want you to find out this way.”

This is her chance, and Alex is going to take it, “Kara…I’m in love with you, too.”

Kryptonian eyes snap up to meet human ones. Kara looks incredibly hopeful, as if Alex has just given her the secret to ultimate happiness. Maybe, though, she did.

“Really?” Kara looks like a puppy in the moment.

Alex nods and sighs, “Really.”

“Oh Rao, Alex,” she mutters excitedly, “why—why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Alex looks at Kara incredulously, “I didn’t think you thought of me the same way.”

Kara laughs, and the laugh does much to elevate Alex’s mood, “Don’t be silly, Alex. Why wouldn’t I feel the same way? You’re amazing, it’s you feeling this way to me that should be the worry.”

“Kara,” Alex grumbles with a roll of her eyes, “you’re you. Everyone is in love with you, at least little bit.”

“Untrue,” the Kryptonian smiles as bright as Rao himself.

Alex stares Kara in the eyes, “Completely true. You, Kara Danvers, are the most amazing person to ever roam this Earth.”

Suddenly, the two of them are incredibly close, noses brushing. Alex leans forward, but hesitates before their lips meet.

“Is—is this okay?” Alex whispers.

Kara replies by closing the distance. They’ve both kissed other people before, but this…this is like coming home. This kiss is like they’ve both finally found the one place they belong, and they never want to leave.

Eventually, though, Alex pulls away for oxygen. Both of their chests are heaving, and they smile at each other with bright eyes.

“I love you, Kara.”

“I love you, too, Alex.”

The two of them spend the rest of the day cuddling and stealing kisses, and spend the night in Kara’s bed, doing nothing more than snuggling. They are both well aware that they have a lot to talk about in the morning, but they don’t care.

They have each other now, and they are no longer lying to themselves or each other. Finally, they can both live on and go to sleep without the lies that they both used to tell themselves.

Finally, they can be _happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehhhhh...hope it was good. Send me prompts on my [Tumblr](http://marveldc31.tumblr.com/).

**Author's Note:**

> Comment!


End file.
